Another smart move

I have moved this blog to
www.stevieinsuburbia.wordpress.com

follow me over there...I'll put on a pot of coffee

Thank you for sticking with me.

Who Put The Bump

Who puts these speed bumps in parking lots? I understand the purpose is to keep people going at a reasonable speed.   Some are like little rides, kind of fun and they tickle my tummy. I wonder if less fortunate people tell their kids they are going  to an amusement park and just drive around Stop & Shop and hear the kids go "wheee" in the back seat. Some are too high and result in a thud that I am sure has destroyed the undercarriage of my car.  On occasion I hit it too hard and I am expecting to go home and discover a dozen broken eggs in my shopping bag. Let me just say, they don't really work. They frustrate people and inspire them to speed up in between the bumps, which is usually where I am walking. Most of the time they are painted yellow, so you can at least see them, but sometimes they aren't. Have you experienced the unforseen speed bump? That's the ride I don't like going on. It's the Space Mountain of speed bumps. I'm always thankful I didn't eat a hot dog before hitting one of those.

Daily Theme Song:
Barry Mann - Who Put the Bomp http://youtu.be/lXmsLe8t_gg

Got The Time

The world runs around late people. If the show is scheduled to start at 8pm, why doesn't it start until 8:15 or even 8:30? Because we have to wait for late people to decide to show up. If someone wants me to be somewhere at 7:30 do you know what I do? I leave early and get there at 7:15 and I wait for them to show up. This creates anxiety because I look at my watch every 30 seconds as it passes 7:30. It's rude and obnoxious, but yet so common. What really pisses me off is I actually sit and calculate what time they left. If they are 30 minutes away for a 7:30 appointment, they should have left at 7pm the absolute latest. I am sitting here at 8:05 thinking, they left later than the time they are actually supposed to arrive. Who does this? A lot of people. You have to make a conscious effort to actually show up that late. What are they thinking? Oh screw Stevie, he will wait. Maybe not next time.
Daily Theme Song:
Joe Jackson - Got The Time http://youtu.be/XTIPCc1nKYQ

Misery

We all wake up everyday with a decision to make. Are we going to be happy or miserable? I understand both of these emotions because I make the same decision. What bothers me is some people want you to feel the same as they do. If I choose to be miserable for the day the last thing I need is some happy peppy moron in my face trying to cheer me up. I am miserable, leave me alone, unless you want to join in on my misery. I have no problem with people who want to be a part of my gloominess. Nothing makes me feel better than another person complaining with me. It actually feels better than being happy with someone. I also find misery gets my creative juices flowing. Deep depression has given birth to my best ideas. That explains why most of my best writing took place in my 40's. That was one miserable decade. People try to fight depression with drugs and therapy. I say bring it on. It's important to feel like crap. It's good for you. If you feel depressed or sad, there is nowhere to go but up. If you're always happy, that's the best you are going to feel. What good is that? There are enough books about how to be happy to fill the state of Kansas. Who wants to be happy all the time. That is just boring and stupid. You are in a happy mood today? Get the hell out of my face. Happy Tuesday? Screw that. Miserable Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday sounds much better to me. Talk to me on Friday. Maybe then I will smile, but don't count on it. I feel better already.

Daily Theme Song:
The Beatles - Misery http://youtu.be/YSUz9iNVU7Y

Welcome To My Nightmare

Another fantastic week of comedy gigs has just passed. I have a dream, just like anyone. It's nice to have a dream of something bigger than yourself. I am not sure how to live without some goal in mind. The curse of having a dream is watching it start to come true. Whenever you have a little piece of your end goal come into fruition, it's nearly impossible to resist the urge to go "all in." There are days when I wish I had the guts to just pack it all in and get an RV and just travel around broke and free. I am in the entertainment field and it's difficult to concentrate on anything else. Performing is my drug of choice. The problem is I can't do it all the time, yet. I am not sure if I want to for fear that it may become that four letter word, "work." My dream is making the rest of my life a nightmare. I can't go a day without thinking about a future performance date or dates. I get depressed if I don't have enough dates booked. I have a fear that it may all come to an end. People don't understand the torture I am going through. Part of me wants to quit and end the madness. Funny thing is every time I think about quitting, something good happens. I like to think it's somebody up there keeping it going. Some divine intervention. It might be Freddie Krueger.

Daily Theme Song:
Alice Cooper - Welcome To My Nightmare http://youtu.be/IKpEoRlcHfA

Everyday is Like Sunday

Sunday is supposed to be the day to stay in bed until 11am. Wake up leisurely to the smell of bacon and coffee, just like in those commercials. If you have kids, forget waking up anytime after 7am. And even after the kids are gone, the automatic clock in your brain still wakes up well before 11am. Dogs have clocks too, in their bladders. How about lying around all day just reading the New York Times? They do it on the commercial for the New York Times. Not in my  house. First of all, I have no desire to read that liberal rag. Second of all, it's like 12 bucks now for the Sunday Times. Oh, I know. How about cooking the Sunday sauce while listening to Italian music on the radio? Football? Nope. Not in my house. For me, Sunday might as well be Tuesday. Sunday is just another day to get crap done before the weekend is over and turns into Monday. Monday, yeesh. The mother of crappy days. Life.

Daily Theme Song:
Morrissey - Everyday is Like Sunday http://youtu.be/nHBZFSYA12A

The Kids Are Alright

People love to brag about their kids. They have bumper stickers to prove it. Everything from "My kid is an honor student" to "My kid beat up your honor student." They post pictures of their wonderful kids on Facebook. Don't any of these people realize that nobody cares about their wonderful kids? I have seen sonogram pictures, baby pictures, toddler pictures. It eventually stops when they turn into teenagers. Then they post their own pictures in provocative poses. It's amazing how vain we have all become. I also love how people talk about how smart and unselfish and well behaved their kids are. Yet, I have seen more rude, self-centered and stupid kids than back in the days when nobody talked about their kids. I can usually tell when people are lying. "Bobby is a good kid. He tries. He is my challenging one" That translates to "Bobby robs liquor stores and is a father of three at the age of 16." We were all kids once. We all disappointed our parents at some point in time. That's what made us terrible parents in the first place. So, the kids are alright. It's the parents that are the problem. And the kids are not afraid to tell friends how inept, clueless and horrible their parents are. We should stop being proud of our kids. They are not proud of us. They want us to die so they can have all our money. Too soon?

Daily Theme Song:
The Who - The Kids Are Alright http://youtu.be/afam2nIae4o