I Can't Drive 55

You cannot survive in the suburbs without a car. Mass transportation is inconvenient. Trains are unreliable and bus stops look like hangouts for drug dealers and prostitutes. I have never been in one of those little bus stop cubicles but I am pretty sure they smell like urine. So I have no choice but to drive everywhere. Unfortunately, I have road rage. Not on a level where I would actually hurt someone, but I do use foul language. I get so angry I wish there were new words to express my rage. The famous seven just don't do it. I need more. I am trying out new ones and have become partial to "suckfardge" and "ballface."

Some of my most common beefs are people in front of me driving too slow, making right turns like they are driving through molasses. MOVE !!! The biggest one is leaving too much space in front of you when stopped at a red light and I am trying to get into the turning lane. Tighten it up people.  I should be able to fit the width of a pubic hair in between your bumper and the guy in front of you. 

Occasionally, I feel bad about my fits of anger so I make it up by being courteous. Letting someone in from a side street, or a parking lot. I expect the wave and I usually get it. When I don't, they get a "ballface suckfardge." One thing I do notice is my courtesy begins and ends at one driver. If the guy behind him tries to sneak in I turn on him. "HEY, one at a time here." Then I don't look at him while I am blocking him in. Another thing that just burns me up is when I am pulling onto my street and there are two cars blocking the entire street and having what appears to be a conversation. I wait the appropriate 2.7 seconds before the heat gets to my face. It's bad enough I have to drive around kids playing Basketball and the damn Hockey nets. MOVE !!! you...JACKHOLE (I like that one too).

Daily Theme Song:
Sammy Hagar - I Can't Drive 55: http://youtu.be/RvV3nn_de2k